Love my Mind's tricks and tips

Overcoming Pre-Christmas Stress: Cultivating Well-Being and Gratitude in a Busy Season

Wed, 03 Dec 2025 14:44:58 GMT

As the holiday season approaches, many of us feel a mix of excitement and…pressure. Between preparing gatherings, managing family expectations, finding the “right” gifts, and juggling everyday responsibilities, the weeks leading up to Christmas can easily become overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be this way. With intention, compassion, and a focus on gratitude, you can transform this season from stressful to meaningful.

Below are simple, grounding ways to overcome pre-Christmas stress—while nurturing your well-being and reconnecting with what truly matters.

1. Slow Down—On Purpose

The busiest weeks of the year often demand our full attention, but it’s also when we most need to pause. Even a few minutes of intentional slowing down can calm your mind and reset your nervous system.

Try:

A 5-minute breathing exercise in the morning

A short walk without your phone

A quiet cup of tea with no multitasking

These small moments of stillness create space for clarity and kindness—toward yourself and others.

2. Redefine What “Enough” Means

Holiday stress often comes from unrealistic expectations: the perfect meal, perfectly wrapped gifts, perfectly decorated homes. But perfection is not what people remember—connection is.

Ask yourself:

What truly matters to me this season?

What can I simplify?

Where can I give myself permission to do less?

Choosing “good enough” over “perfect” is an act of self-care.

3. Center Your Days Around Gratitude

Gratitude shifts your attention from what’s missing or overwhelming to what is steady, supportive, and meaningful.

Try starting (or ending) each day with three simple gratitude prompts:

Something about today that made me smile

A person I appreciate

Something about myself I’m grateful for

This practice softens stress and strengthens your sense of abundance, even during hectic times.

4. Protect Your Energy

You don’t need to attend every event or fulfill every request. You’re allowed to say no with love. Protecting your energy makes space for the moments that matter most.

Think of your energy as a candle—burn it too quickly, and you dim before Christmas even arrives. Tend to it gently. Let it shine steadily.

5. Create a Well-Being Ritual

Rituals ground us. Choose a small, soothing habit that you repeat daily or weekly throughout the season:

Lighting a candle in the evening

Listening to calming music

Journaling for five minutes

Decluttering one small area

Practicing a short gratitude meditation

A ritual gives your mind something steady to come back to in moments of overwhelm.

6. Embrace Imperfect Joy

Holiday magic isn’t found in flawless decor or a perfectly orchestrated schedule. It’s in the imperfect, real moments—laughing with others, sharing a simple meal, watching old movies, exchanging small acts of kindness.

Let yourself enjoy the season as it unfolds, not as you planned it.

7. Give Yourself the Gift of Compassion

You may not get everything done.
You may forget something.
You may have a messy kitchen or a chaotic calendar.

That’s okay.

Speak to yourself the way you would to a friend who feels stressed:
“You’re doing your best. You’re allowed to rest. You are enough.”

Compassion is one of the most powerful tools for well-being.

8. Let Gratitude Guide Your Celebrations

When you approach the season with gratitude—gratitude for the people you love, for the experiences you share, for the strength you’ve shown this year—everything feels lighter.

Gratitude softens stress.
It reframes expectations.
It connects you to the heart of the holidays.

Let it be the thread that guides your celebrations this year.

Pre-Christmas stress is common, but it doesn’t have to define your season. By slowing down, practicing gratitude, and nurturing your well-being, you can create a holiday experience that feels peaceful, grounded, and genuinely joyful.

You deserve a season filled not with pressure, but with presence.

An Act of Deep Self-Respect

Thu, 30 Oct 2025 08:27:24 GMT

When you’re met with criticism or judgment, it can be deeply challenging not to take it personally. Words can carry energy, and when that energy feels heavy or cutting, it’s natural to want to defend yourself, explain, or internalise the sting. But it helps to remember that not every opinion or reaction deserves a place within you.

Not everything that comes your way is meant for you to hold. Some feedback can be useful—it can help you see blind spots, strengthen your character, or guide your personal growth. Constructive insight, even when uncomfortable, often comes from a place of care or truth. But other comments may be rooted in someone else’s pain, insecurity, or misunderstanding. When people speak from their own unhealed places, their words often reflect more about where they are than who you are.

In those moments, I like to visualise a soft, protective bubble surrounding me. It’s light and gentle, not a wall of resistance, but a boundary of awareness. Through this bubble, I allow in anything that feels aligned, supportive, or constructive—lessons that can help me grow. But anything that feels unkind, personal, or unnecessary simply bounces back, dissolving before it can touch me. This isn’t about ignoring others or pretending their words don’t matter; it’s about choosing what deserves space in your heart and what does not.

You always have that choice—the choice to absorb what serves you and release what doesn’t. Protecting your peace doesn’t mean closing yourself off from the world; it means staying open with discernment. It’s learning to listen without losing yourself. It’s giving yourself permission to stay soft, even in a world that can sometimes feel sharp.

When you honor that boundary, you begin to move through life with more calm and confidence. You trust your inner compass more than the noise around you. And over time, you’ll find that protecting your peace isn’t an act of self-defense—it’s an act of deep self-respect.

Freedom from feeling clingy

Wed, 13 Aug 2025 10:56:54 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.

10 top tips for blissful sleep

Thu, 27 Feb 2025 11:06:43 GMT

Are you struggling to sleep? Find out why, and how you can find solutions to sleep being your friend again.

10 Top tips for glorious sleep.

Bed, what a heavenly place! But really should only be entered when tired. It should be a no screens area, a sanctuary for us when we are ready to sleep or read. We shouldn’t hang out in bed watching programs or checking social media as “blue screens” really affect how our brains work, and do not make us feel restful and relaxed, but alert and active.

Be reassured by having an alarm set if you need one, so you don’t need to check the time during the night.

Having an air vent or window open, fresh air and a cooler temperature will improve your sleep quality.

If your head starts to swirl with thoughts, jot them on a piece of paper, knowing you can deal with them tomorrow. I like to go to sleep after writing down tomorrows to-do list, what I have achieved today, and writing down anything I feel grateful for. This routine gets my head in a happy but empty place ready for oblivion.

Give yourself between 6 and 9 hours to sleep, adults all need around this amount to function. Any more or less can really start to alter how we feel in our daily lives.

It is also important to try and wake up at the same time every day. While it may seem like a good idea to try to catch up on sleep after a bad night, doing so on a regular basis can also disrupt your sleep routine. It is better to take small cat naps of 20 mins during the day, if your sleep is disturbed and you feel exhausted.

If you wake in the night and can’t go back to sleep, get up, make a drink, read a book. Don’t lie there worrying about not sleeping. Insomnia can become quite obsessive. As we lie there panicking about missing sleep, we are adding to the problem and creating more stress. It is always better to distract your head with a different activity (that doesn’t have a screen) and allow ourselves to become sleepy again.

We sleep in cycles during the night, experiencing rest sleep and dream (REM) sleep. Some of the sleep we have is deep, and some is more shallow. It isn’t a disaster if we wake up and go back to sleep as the quality of sleep is varied anyway.

Dream sleep is important for our brains, as we use REM sleep to process the actions of our day. It is when we decide what has been important to store in our libraries, and what we can throw away. If we have too much going on in our lives we have too much to process in one night. Our brains feel overloaded and can wake us (usually around 4am for me!). This is a sign that we have too much stress in our lives, and need to find ways to reduce our anxieties. Our bodies can feel encouraged to sleep too much to empty our stress using dreams, but this will leave us feeling exhausted, and wanting to sleep even more. This is why it is important to stick to 7-9 hours of sleep a night.

If your head is full of noise at bedtime, try listening to a calming meditation, or some tranquil sounds like rain or the ocean. Choosing what we think about is an important factor of how stressful our lives can become. Making a choice not to dwell on the thoughts that are still churning round is a great way to train our brains to be quieter. Choosing our thoughts is empowering and a deeply effective way of improving our mental well being.

Nurturing wellbeing during the festive period

Mon, 16 Dec 2024 12:32:50 GMT

The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.

Hypnosis! Myths and facts

Mon, 26 Aug 2024 09:39:57 GMT

The body content of your post goes here. To edit this text, click on it and delete this default text and start typing your own or paste your own from a different source.

Why Smiling is so good for you

Tue, 18 Jun 2024 12:36:31 GMT

Smiling is not something we learn to do, it comes completely naturally as it is a behaviour passed down through our evolution. It is thought to have originated over 30 million years ago and was used by apes and monkeys as a way of showing potential predators they were harmless.

The smile we know today is the universal sign of happiness. It is one of the first expressions made by babies innately.

The baby is usually rewarded for this smile with mirroring smiles, love and attention. The behaviour becomes reinforced with feelings of pleasure and safety. This is true of all babies regardless of culture and environment, as Paul Ekman (the world’s leading expert on facial expressions) discovered; smiling is a basic and biological uniform human expression. Charles Darwin, who in addition to theorising on evolution in The Origin of the Species , also developed the Facial Feedback Response Theory, which suggests that the act of smiling actually makes us feel better (rather than smiling being a result of feeling good).

When our brains feel happy we produce neurotransmitters that make us feel good. Dopamine, serotonin and endorphins are released transmitting neural signals to your facial muscles to trigger a smile. The release of serotonin with a smile is nature's own anti-depressant. It helps give our mood a lift in the same way the prescribed medication works by increasing the level of serotonin in the brain. Smiling stimulates our brain's reward mechanisms in a way that even chocolate can’t match. British researchers found that one smile can provide the same level of brain stimulation as up to 2,000 chocolate bars and can be as stimulating as receiving up to £16,000.

The smile can be thought of as an “anchor”, it is a feeling that has been anchored to a particular group of muscles that is triggered when we use them. I’m sure you have put a smile on your face to help you to enter a room or when meeting someone new. This is because you get the same benefits when you actually force yourself to smile as you do when you smile naturally, this feeling encourages us when we need a boost.

We create anchors unconsciously all the time when we assign meaning to a particular sensation, such as when a song always reminds you of a certain memory or person. Anchors are a very useful tool I use with my clients as we can learn to connect other feelings to other triggers on the body.

By thinking about a calm time using all of our senses, we create a strong emotional link to that feeling of calm . Doing this while squeezing our fingers or holding our wrists literally makes a physical connection to that emotion. Repeating this over and over makes a new neural path in the brain, thus making a new anchor.

The brain can only focus on a handful of items of information at any time (around 7), so while it is concentrating and recalling calm , it is unable to connect with any other input such as stress or worry. This is a brilliant way to train the brain into being in your control, thinking of happy thoughts and letting go of everything else.

Charge that love battery

Tue, 12 Mar 2024 12:41:46 GMT

Even the best couples can have tricky moments. Life can throw challenges, misunderstandings can occur, emotions might misalign - leaving even the most perfect relationships feeling unnurtured at times. We can get stuck in a rut, feel unheard, unappreciated and ultimately lonely in our own love stories.

It is so important to make time to cherish our partners, remember what it is we love about each other, and why they are our chosen person.This is why when my husband and I went on a trip, I decided it would be an even better experience for us both if we went with fully-charged love batteries!

We created this lovely affection workout to ensure our glow was turned up to maximum.This simple sweet-talking exercise is an amazing way of reconnecting, rekindling and allowing the love to shine through!

The idea is to take it in turns to think of something you really admire about the other person. It is important that these are compliments and reflections on THEM, not on how they make YOU feel.

For example, “I love it when you make me a cup of tea in bed” is actually about YOU, whereas “you are so considerate” is about THEM.

Emphasising and accentuating another’s pleasing qualities makes it a deeper and more rewarding sentiment. It is so wonderful to search through memories that created that love connection, and recall them together as you examine what it is about your partner that you actually fell in love with, and even better to have your qualities noticed and reiterated.

The act of thinking about nice things to say about your loved ones pulls affection and tenderness into the forefront of your mind. This sparks oxytocin- THE LOVE CHEMICAL.

Listening to genuinely felt compliments about ourselves helps us to regain a positive perspective on our own personalities, allowing the flow of serotonin- THE HAPPINESS CHEMICAL.

When these glorious chemicals are cascading we feel AMAZING! Connected, celebrated and full of love.

Mission complete, your battery fully charged.

Christmas tips to joy

Wed, 13 Dec 2023 21:41:54 GMT

Ah, Christmas! The season of joy, twinkling lights, and hearty laughter echoing through the chilly winter air. Or does the idea of Chrismas fill you with dread! This can be the most anxious time for so many of us!

Tips for surviving the Christmas period (Thanks to the Circle health group for putting it so well :)

1. Keep your expectations modest

Don't get hung up on what the Christmas holidays are supposed to be like and how you're supposed to feel.

If you're comparing your festivities to some perfect greeting card ideal, they'll always come up short. Don't worry about festive spirit and simply take every day as it comes.

2. Do something different

This year, does the prospect of the usual routine fill you with Christmas dread rather than joy?

If so, don't surrender to it. Try something different.

Have dinner at a restaurant on Christmas Day. Spend Boxing Day at the cinema or get your family to agree to donate the money to a charity instead of exchanging presents.

3. Lean on your support system

If you've been feeling stressed, anxious or depressed, you need a network of close friends and family to turn to when things get tough.

During Christmas, take time to get together with your support network regularly – or at least keep in touch by phone to keep yourself centred.

4. Don't assume the worst

Don't start the Christmas season anticipating disaster. If you try to take the festivities as they come and limit your expectations – both good and bad – you may enjoy them more.

5. Forget the unimportant stuff

Don't run yourself ragged just to live up to Christmas traditions.

So what if you don't get the lights on the roof this year? So what if you don't get the special Christmas mugs down from the loft?

Give yourself a break. Worrying about such trivial stuff will not add to your festive spirit

6. Volunteer

You may feel stressed and booked up already, but maybe consider taking time to help people who have less than you. Try volunteering at a soup kitchen or helping someone to do their shopping.

We always feel better when we have helped someone and made a difference, however small.

You really have more control than you think. If certain things are guaranteed to stress you out, avoid them

7. Avoid problems

Think about what people or situations trigger your stress and figure out ways to avoid them.

If seeing your uncle stresses you out, skip his New Year's party and just stop by for a quick hello on New Year's Day.

Instead of staying in your bleak, childhood bedroom at your stepfather's house, book into a nearby hotel.

You really have more control than you think.

8. Ask for help - but be specific

See if your spouse will dig out the decorations. Ask a family member to help you cook - or host the Christmas dinner itself. Invite a friend along on shopping trips.

People are often more willing to help out than you expect; they just need some guidance from you on what to do.

9. Don't worry about things beyond your control

OK, perhaps your uncle and your dad get into an argument at every Christmas dinner and it makes you miserable. What can you really do about it?

Remember your limits: you can't control them, but you can control your own reaction to the situation.

10. Make new family traditions

People often feel compelled to keep family Christmas traditions alive long past the point that anyone's actually enjoying them. Don't keep them going for their own sake.

Start a new tradition instead. Create one that's more meaningful to you personally.

11. Find positive ways to remember loved ones

Christmas may remind you of the loved ones who aren't around anymore. Instead of just feeling glum, do something active to celebrate their memory.

For instance, go out with your sisters to your mum's favourite restaurant and make a toast.

The festive season can last for weeks and weeks. People really need to pace themselves or they'll get overwhelmed. Don't say yes to every invitation.

The easy way to build resiliance

Wed, 09 Aug 2023 10:09:41 GMT

The easy way to build resilience

To help our well being, we know we need to sleep, eat healthily, exercise, and maybe meditate, and these habits are certainly useful in building happiness, feeling calm and being able to cope with the demands of our busy lives.

But there’s another way we can create strength and resilience that’s often overlooked and that is to boost our creativity.

Creativity unlocks our internal resources for dealing with stress, solving problems, and enjoying life. When we are creative, we are being resourceful, and we are able to problem solve in new and original ways.

Being creative is something we can do, but is also an attitude we can cultivate. It can develop from being a habit into a way of life with practice, and studies into resilient people have identified creativity as a key behavior trait. Creativity is a habit that needs to be developed, and can make many people feel fearful because they don’t think they are good at art. The fear comes from trying anything that is different, as our brains like routine and will protest when pushed out of our comfort zone.

It is worth giving a go though, as the creative process enables us to see problems with new perspectives and see situations in a different light. Creative thinking allows us to make connections between things, gain new perspectives, and find innovative ways to deal with anything.

Creativity is good for your brain because it stimulates alpha waves, the signals in the brain that closely correspond with feeling relaxed. Scientists have discovered that when people are calm, they’re much more likely to have a “light bulb” moment, and impossible problems can somehow seem to solve themselves. This is why when you’re going around and around a problem, the best thing to do is go for a walk, grab a shower, or make dinner as these activities produce alpha waves in your brain.

Studies show that activities such as drawing, sculpting crocheting and writing in a journal actually raise our serotonin levels and decrease our anxiety hormones. Creativity helps to build our resilience, helping us to deal with problems in a way that makes us able to deal with them with ease next time.

We can build our creative thinking by asking questions, being curious and by experimenting. Allowing ourselves to make mistakes, congratulating ourselves for trying and speaking kindly to ourselves internally means we are more likely to try more things, and trying means there is a high chance of succeeding. If you follow your curiosity, experiment with ideas, and learn from your mistakes, the quality of your creativity will constantly improve. Human beings need to express themselves, it is a part of who we are.

For your emotional wellbeing, nourish your creative spirit, give it a go!

��

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Wed, 02 Aug 2023 12:01:54 GMT

Why is laughing the best medicine?

A good laugh is always a winner isn’t it? Giggling, having a chuckle, the side splitter, hooting, guffawing and the delicate titter. These are all good ways to brighten a day. But did you know that along with it feeling wonderful it is also healing your mind, body and soul?

Laughter has been shown to reduce the levels of certain stress hormones in the body. We need a variety of chemicals to help us cope with tricky situations, but these stress signals in high levels can create an imbalance leaving us feeling anxious, angry and depressed. These stress hormones also can have a harmful effect on the immune system. When we laugh, we increase the number of beneficial hormones like endorphins, which and neurotransmitters in the body, lessening the presence and production of adrenaline and cortisol.

Endorphins work as a natural painkiller, so laughing helps to boost our pain threshold, easing mood, tension, anger and discomfort. Laughing increases neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine, helping your brain to function faster, connect and comprehend situations or problems at a speedier rate.

Laughter also boosts our immune systems, stimulating antibody cells to develop at faster rates by changing the body’s chemistry through hormonal shifts. These antibodies help us to fight off illness and infection easier. Studies have shown that “mirthful laughter” causes an initial increase in arterial blood pressure which is followed by a decrease to below the normal resting blood pressure. This improves blood pressure levels, decreases the risk of heart disease, cardiac issues and improves circulation. The act of laughing physically creates a boost of oxygen to the brain, promoting brain health and encourages a higher level of ventilation in your lungs.

Laughter is also a brilliant way of doing exercise; it engages muscles in the body’s diaphragm and abdominal as it expands and contracts and can often leave us with that side splitting feeling after a long hoot. Depending on your laughing style and how physically you throw yourself into it, you can stimulate your legs, back, shoulders, and arm muscles too. Cheeks, jaw and neck muscles are all put through their paces as we cackle and howl.

Laughter can also boost memory as it speeds the connections between the neurons, enabling learning and brain function. Combining humour with recall helps to create more links in the brain as they have more direct association and emphasis.

Laughter can help our brains to be more creative due to the lowered stress hormones and increased endorphins. We are more likely to take creative risks, think outside of the box when feeling more positive and laughter is the best way to boost our mood. Laughter has been found to have a soothing quality that reduces even unconscious pain, causing an improvement in mood and happiness.

It is also really contagious, seeing someone else having a chuckle encourages us to join in, creating connections between people, helping us to build relationships and deepen rapport.

I love using laughter in my practice room. When we are laughing, we are no longer able to feel sadness or pain. Book a free DISCOVERY CALL to try this out for yourself!

I will encourage you to:

��Allow yourself to concentrate on all the best parts of yourself.

��Think about all you have achieved

��Believe in your abilities

��Trust in yourself

You are the expert in being you!

In my sessions we like to have a bit of a giggle as we explore these wonderful qualities that make up all of us as individuals.

Find your own answers and give yourself the gift of health and happiness.

www.lovemymind.co.uk

That Weekend Feeling!

Thu, 23 Mar 2023 15:55:54 GMT

Thank crunchie it's nearly Friday!

For most of us, this means a whole weekend away from the work routine. Being able to relax, no alarms dictating when we get out of bed, and choosing how we spend our moments, doing what feels good. Whether connecting with friends or family, being restful or productive, having the freedom to be spontaneous and just to be on our own time clock.

Why does this time “off” feel so golden? It basically comes down to routine. When we are in work mode, our brains become very streamlined so they can achieve more. Routine engages automatic pilot mode which aids productivity. We go through the motions when in “work mode”, get out of bed, clean teeth, put on work clothes. These activities are hardly even noticed as they are so embedded into our daily lives. Travel to work, sit in your office, make a coffee, read emails, again, unless something is unusual, these moments are easily forgotten. Chat to colleagues, clients or customers, with routine conversations of “How are you?” “Fine thanks, you?” “Doing anything nice on the weekend?”

No wonder work feels DULL!!! Of course we can’t wait for the weekend! Our brains are so firmly in automatic pilot mode that we barely notice or remember a thing.

My suggestion to you is to get off the grey conveyor belt of work. Shake it up, just a little. Make every day more interesting by doing things in a different order, alter your routine a touch. Take a different journey to work, use a different mug for your coffee. Consciously look through a different lens as you approach each task. Try putting your left shoe on before your right and swap the following day. Being aware of our bodies actions for each mundane task encourages mindfulness and pulls us into each present moment. Give each of your senses a chance to digest by taking an extra millisecond to breathe. Allow yourself to be on a Sensation Scavenger Hunt. Waking up each routine activity by really experiencing it by being in the actual moment.

It’s ok if the feeling of mixing it up is a little uncomfortable, this is because our survival instincts like everything to stay exactly the same. When everything is completely consistent, we do not challenge our comfort zones but we can create a claustrophobic safety net. We have two distinct parts of the brain that we use everyday; the intellectual brain, and the primitive brain. The primitive part of the brain’s job is solely used for protection, and it believes that the dangers around us might still be lions, tigers and bears. This is because it hasn’t evolved since it was created to survive the cavemen era, and thank goodness it was there as without it we wouldn’t be here right now. This part of the brain is not creative or intelligent. It is not concerned about feelings of happiness, fulfilment or joy, so to find contentment in each of our lives we must push the boundaries set by exploring the edges of our comfort zones and allow our intellectual brains the chance to sit in the control seat.

Ideas for your Sensation Scavenger Hunt

How many yellow things can you see on your way to work?.

How many smiles can you witness in an hour of interaction?

How many breaths does it take for the kettle to boil?

How does it feel to alter the order of getting dressed?

How many birdsongs can you hear as you stand outside?

What order do you taste each mouthful of lunch?

What is the nicest smell you can discover today?

How does it feel to touch the floor as you wiggle your toes against it?

How alive do you feel after splashing cold water on your face?

The meaning of Life

Mon, 13 Mar 2023 14:12:29 GMT

Have you ever stopped and thought about how much we have changed since we crawled out of caves? How have we evolved from grunting hairy beasts into intelligent purposeful people?

Primitive humans shared so many of the same emotions and feelings, needs and wants as us. They would have experienced joy, happiness, fear and sadness, but they had to fight for survival. They had to hunt, and had to find shelter. They had to be tough and brave.

To help with their adversaries they were given the happiness hormone to strengthen them to conquer their challenges. Everytime they built a relationship, created a tool or used intellectual thinking they experienced a rush of serotonin that encouraged them to do something else bravely, creatively and with love. Without this feeling, no doubt we wouldn’t be here today.

Even now, we are still evolving. We still use the happiness neurotransmitter to guide us towards activities that give us pleasure, peace, accomplishment, purpose and hope.

As we follow our pleasure hormones, we build on the experiences of others, adding on, improving, creating tiny changes in thoughts, actions and idealisms. We use the teachings of our ancestors to continue to develop new skills and new resources. We enhance our knowledge with our own experiences, making us combinedly responsible for the ideas that are created indirectly as we vibrate together.

Issac Newton and Albert Einstein were both influenced by scholars and scientists. They were taught, steered and moulded by the ideas of others. They built on their learnt knowledge, ignited, followed their passions and became dedicated to enquire and understand. Their discoveries led to more investigation. A chain of questions and answers, built on by each thinker and each concept.

We might not discover the next greatest invention or build upon the big bang theory, but we are all able to make a difference in our own unique way. The way we live our lives influences the lives of others directly and indirectly. We can choose a path that allows us to feel authentic and positive, thus inspiring others to do that too.

I believe this is the true meaning of life. We all have the option to create a positive impact in our own tiny way. Every action makes an indent, every smile or frown ripples, every idea is a potential inspiration. Having an understanding of the impact our own lives make can help us to make sense of the direction and choices we can take.

Make sure your path feels true to you. Do what feels honest. Carve your influence with kindness and compassion. Your positive imprint will shape the building blocks of our descendants. This is the inheritance we pass down to the future generations.

The Wonder of Water

Tue, 24 Jan 2023 09:54:06 GMT

“We are doing a POSITIVE ACTION” I explained to my 18 year old son. We began to discuss the benefits of focusing on the “positive actions, positive interactions, positive thought patterns and positive purposes” that I promote in my hypnotherapy practice. When our mind is full of the positives aspects in our lives, we have no capacity or inclination to dwell on the negative details. Practising searching for the positives in our lives helps to create new neural pathways, feel happiness and find a peaceful way of being. I was taking my son back to University and we decided to make a day of it by visiting the Welsh waterfall country park on the way. It had been an eventful Christmas and I was desperate for a moment of quiet.

I am always drawn to moving water. It feels so peaceful. The motion creates a place where my mind can be still. When my gaze is unable to stop on one single droplet, I feel an inner calm where I can just soak in tranquillity.

My son is studying Chemistry at Cardiff. Struggling with my “simplistic” explanation of waterfall joy, he decided to give me a scientific theory. He has such a wonderful way of explaining things. Normally anything too scientific sends me spinning into confusion but he explained the science of colliding water particles so I could understand how they might be creating the feelings of calm and happiness I was feeling.

I’d like to try and explain this science to you as simply as my son did for me:

All matter is composed of many many ATOMS.

All atoms have equal amounts of ELECTRONS and PROTONS

When an atom gains or loses electrons, and has an uneven amount of protons and electrons. This is now a charged particle known as an ION

When the atom loses an electron, it becomes a positively charged ion (a CATION)

When the atom gains an electron, it becomes a negatively charged ion (an ANION)

Waterfalls and waves crashing on a beach are perfect examples of natural oxygen molecules colliding with each other. The neutrally charged water droplets break apart creating negatively charged ions.

Studies find that our world is stuffed with positive ions which are created by phenomena like electricity and pollution. Positive ions can affect our mental and physical health by making us feel tired, stressed and depressed. Researchers have found that being surrounded by negative ions can help to improve mental health and wellbeing.

Pierce J. Howard Ph. D concluded that negative ions increase oxygen to the brain improving alertness and physical and mental energy. They Improve the autonomic nerves, skin collagen, metabolism and immune system (Dr Arudoman). Negative ions speed up oxygen into our bloodstream, tissues and cells and oxidation of serotonin which boosts our mood (John Heinerman Ph.D). They reduce neurohormone serotonin which causes sleeplessness and nightmares (Soyka 1991) creating better sleep quality. The US Department of Agriculture is quoted for saying that negative ions help to clear the air of pollutants, dust and bacteria.

However, it's worth noting that a meta-study in the National Library of Medicine (NLM) has stated that “some of the results need to be further verified, some references might overestimate its benefits and no consistent or reliable evidence in therapeutic effects were achieved.”. So the jury is out. I am not an expert but I DO know that being near crashing water made me feel wonderful, calm and refreshed.

Was it science? Was it doing a positive action? Was the feeling due to taking time out of my busy life to witness nature? Was it magic? Or was it just hanging out with my son? What do you think?

I do know it was definitely worth doing, my feelings of happiness were very real and my soul is still smiling!

Make your Dreams Real

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Wed, 04 Jan 2023 14:17:47 GMT

I know many of us will have thought about your goals and intentions for the year ahead. I thought I’d offer some tips on making them into a reality.

We often choose to make HUGE changes this time of the year, such as going to gym every day, or trying to lose 4 stone. When we make our goal too big, the jump towards it is too huge, therefore can feel unachievable before you've got going.

Look at your thoughts…

The goal isn’t as important as the mindset you have around it. When you think of your goal, what thoughts are arising? “That’s too big”, “I’ll never be able to do that” etc, or “I’m going to give this a go” or “I’ll be able to take it one day at a time”. “It’s ok to start small”

What you believe is ultimately what you can and will be able to do.

What habits do you need to change? What does it mean practically? What time do they need? What equipment?

If you were achieving your goals, how would that feel?

What can you start doing now to take a small step in that direction?

When we see our goals as do-able, we are not afraid to make the necessary changes towards them.

Make your goal enjoyable! We are driven by pleasure and fear of punishment.

Visualise your intention

"If you can dream it, you can do it."

Walt Disney

SWISH NLP technique for changing unwanted behaviours and habits

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Tue, 20 Dec 2022 18:04:13 GMT

This is a brilliant tool to help with changing unwanted behaviours and habits such as anxiety, depression. This video will show you how to change behaviours, build resilience and regain control.

24 days of Calm Christmas

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Wed, 30 Nov 2022 16:19:47 GMT

Use your strengths as a superpower

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Wed, 12 Oct 2022 12:27:55 GMT

At the end of a session with a client, I tend to ask a few scaling questions so I can quantify progress and review areas where someone might need an extra helping hand.

One of the questions I ask is,

“How well have you been using your superpowers this week?”

I love the look that appears on most of my clients' faces as they contemplate their answer. ��

A lot is going on at that moment.

The knowledge that is dawning on them…

YES! They do have plenty of superpowers!

and YES! They are using them!

A few clients will admittedly ask me what do I mean by superpowers, so I tell them;

Your superpowers are your strengths! ��

That inner resilience that gets you out of bed, even when it seems so hard.

That courage to welcome the sunlight upon your skin, when all you want to do is hide.

That love you share with others, even when it’s hard to love yourself.

That glow you ripple with on a good day.

Your bounce, your kindness, your creativity, your imagination, your drive, your dreams, your vitality, your fortitude, your finesse.

Your inner essence.

How well have you been using your superpowers this week, and how can you enjoy them more?

��

Be yourself proudly!

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Mon, 22 Aug 2022 13:27:26 GMT

Do you worry about how others might perceive you and try to alter your behaviour to match that idea?

Most of us don’t even think about who we really are inside.

We often second guess how we SHOULD act or be in different situations. We can spend time worrying about how we SHOULD come across rather than just being.

Choosing to show your true self can seem daunting, questions rise up like:

Am I good enough?

Will people like me?

What if I do it wrong?

Every time we try to change ourselves to match others perceived expectations, we hide a bit of our true nature, dimming our inner light.

Discover and learn to love that real inner self, feed it with acknowledgement and watch the light glow bright, inspiring others.

Your true nature is your natural easy self, and it’s a beautiful thing.

��

Sleep well

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Mon, 25 Jul 2022 12:46:22 GMT

Are you finding it hard to sleep at the moment?

I know, a lot of us in the UK are likely to be struggling at the moment due to the heat. This can leave us feeling moody, anxious, sad and angry. Unfortunately when we don't get enough REM (dream) sleep we're not able to empty our stress buckets, which can make us unable to cope with even the simplest of tasks, and can make everything feel very overwhelming.

A really good tool when we can’t sleep is to listen to a guided meditation, which encourages our brain waves into a relaxed trance state.

This trance state is similar to dream sleep, so even if you can't get proper sleep, you're still emptying your stress bucket.

You can listen to it at bedtime, or during the day if you need a quiet moment, but never try to operate machinery at the same time.

If you’d like one of my guided meditations, send me a message.

I’d love to help

��

Journalling your way to Happiness

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Mon, 06 Jun 2022 11:44:51 GMT

Do you sometimes feel like everything is overwhelming, and it is impossible to find order in the chaos?

�� Keeping a journal helps you create calm and control when your world feels like it’s in a jumble.

�� You can really get to know yourself by revealing your most private fears, thoughts, and feelings.

�� Focus your thoughts on what you feel grateful for, and how far you have come on your journey through life.

�� Spending a few moments a day helps us to reflect, de-stress and wind down. Look at your writing time as personal relaxation time, choose a cosy corner that's relaxing and soothing, maybe with a cup of tea.

��Look forward to your journaling time, see it as your magic moment, just for you, know that you're doing something good for your mind and body.

��

How nature can ease anxiety

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Mon, 25 Apr 2022 09:32:17 GMT

Mental health foundation’s top tips on connecting with nature to improve your mental health

There’s a lot of good research to support the role nature can play in protecting and supporting our mental health.

For many of us though, 'being in nature’ may not be as easy as it sounds.

The good news is, you don’t have to climb a mountain to feel the benefit – there are lots of simple ways to bring nature into your everyday.

Here are some top tips on how you can build your own connection with nature:

1. Find nature wherever you are

Nature is all around us. It might be a garden, a local park, a nearby beach or open countryside. Even in cities where nature can be harder to find, there are community gardens or courtyards to discover and explore. Look out for the unexpected – an urban fox on your way out for the early shift, changes in the weather or birdsong outside your window. Try to notice nature wherever you are, in whatever way is meaningful for you.

2. Connect with nature using all of your senses.

Taking some quiet time to reflect in natural surroundings using all your senses can be a real boost to your mental health. Whether you’re relaxing in the garden or on your way to work, try listening out for birdsong, look for bees and butterflies, or notice the movement of the clouds. All of these good things in nature can help you to find a sense of calm and joy.

3. Get out into nature

If you can, try to spend time visiting natural places - green spaces like parks, gardens or forests – or blue spaces like the beach, rivers and wetlands. This can help you reduce your risk of mental health problems, lift your mood and help you feel better about things. If it feels daunting to get outside, try going with a friend or relative, or picking somewhere familiar.

4. Bring nature to you

Sometimes it’s hard to access natural places because of where you live, how busy you are, how safe you feel or your health. Why not try bringing nature into your home? Having plants in the house is a great way to have something natural to see, touch and smell – pots of herbs from the supermarket are a good start.

If you have a garden, allotment or balcony, think about how you can make the most of it. Grow flowers, plants or vegetables, get a bird feeder and take in the sights and sounds around you.

If planting isn’t your thing, you can also connect to nature through stories, art and sound recordings. Watching films or TV programmes about nature are also great way to connect with and reflect on nature.

5. Exercise in nature

If you're physically able to exercise, try to do it outside – whether it’s a run, cycle or a short walk. Walking or running outdoors in nature may help to prevent or reduce feelings of anger, tiredness and sadness. Try leaving the headphones at home – unless you’re listening to nature sounds of course! Or why not try new routes that bring you closer to green spaces or water?

6. Combine nature with creativity

Try combining creativity with your natural environment. This could involve taking part in creative activities outside, like dance, music, or art. All of these things can help reduce stress and improve your mood. You could also increase your sense of connection by taking photos, writing, drawing or painting pictures of the landscape, plants or animals. Noticing the beauty of nature and expressing this creatively can help you find meaning and an emotional connection to nature that will stay with you for a lifetime.

7. Protect nature

Taking care of something can be a really great way to feel good. And what better thing to take care of than nature? Nature is truly amazing – do what you can to look after nature - in your actions and choices. This can be as simple as recycling, walking instead of driving, or even joining community conservation or clean-up groups. Taking care of nature can help you feel that you're doing your part, and that can make you feel more positive all round.

Choosing hypnotherapy

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Mon, 28 Feb 2022 13:00:09 GMT

��Deciding to see a hypnotherapist can feel a bit scary, especially if you've never tried it before.

��You might feel unsure as to how it works, or whether it will be effective for you.

��You might be concerned that you will feel out of control, or have something “done” to you.

��It is really important that you feel comfortable with the therapist you choose and feel safe. You need to connect with your therapist and feel supported by them to be able to open up and trust them.

��This is why I am really happy to chat through any questions you have at any time and reassure you that hypnotherapy is safe and will help you to live your best life.

��During the free initial consultation we talk through in detail what you would like help with, and how hypnotherapy will help you.

��There is no obligation after that to continue on with hypnotherapy sessions, if you feel it isn’t right for you.

So send me a message 07704429577 and we can talk through how hypnotherapy can help you feel like yourself again.

��

Are you On Autopilot?

Thu, 10 Feb 2022 11:36:16 GMT

Are you just on autopilot?

Research shows that by the age of about 30, people are unconscious 95% of the time. This is because our bodies are so used to our routines that they know them better than we do. A good example of this in action is when most people can’t remember their bank pin number mentally. They say that they need to have the key pad in front of them. Or they arrive at their destination and can’t remember the car journey. This is because our bodies know the action or route so well, that they take over without us having to be consciously in control. Now consider that most of your day we run on similar programs. You are effectively on auto-pilot most of the time, so what happens when you introduce something new and you haven’t planned it properly, or don’t put a structured routine in place? Well eventually your body will take over and run its usual patterns. Have you ever caught yourself saying, “I must go to the gym this week!” In that moment you really mean it, because you were having a conscious moment. But as the week goes on and you go back onto autopilot, it just doesn’t happen. Another example of this would be when you say to your self that you need to stop at the shop on the way home because you need some milk, and then you completely forget. Don’t worry you aren’t losing your memory – you are just not present, and your unconscious (the body) has taken over.

How to stick to your New Year’s resolutions

So, what is the answer? You have to get really organised and set a clear intention/goal. Create set days and times to work on it, and put things in place to help you stick to it. You have to make that goal as important as anything else that you do regularly, and be consistent with it until it becomes a new program – you wouldn’t forget to brush your teeth (hopefully ��).

But what I am about to discuss goes a lot deeper and doesn’t just explain why resolutions don’t work. It also explains why people can get stuck in destructive patterns for their whole lives, if they aren’t aware of what I am about to discuss.

The truth is most people are NOT dealing with the root cause of their problems. Instead they are focusing on the surface level symptoms or habits that result from a much deeper problem, which they may not even be aware of. As I stated above people run on programs, most of which are learned before they are about 8 years old. This is important to know because the experiences and development in those early years form the beliefs and programs that will shape the rest of our lives.

In addition to their obvious needs like food and sleep, a child also has two main psychological needs. Love/connection and validation/self-expression. But it’s stressful being a parent. There is no official handbook, and it’s often impossible to meet a child’s needs 100% of the time. All you can do is your best, and in most cases the child grows into a healthy adult. However, it is highly likely that in that time some limiting beliefs or programs have been formed. The reason is that the human brain is not fully developed until the age of about 21. Therefore, it is very easy for a young child to misperceive a situation, and create an unhealthy meaning around it (like a divorce or heated argument). Sadly children often make these issues mean something about them, because the alternative is that their parents aren’t who they thought they were (safe, role models..). So, they often turn on themselves and create a belief that they are in some way to blame. The most common limiting belief that I come across in most of my clients is that, “I am not enough” or “I am unlovable”. This belief becomes the underlying context of their entire life, even if they are not consciously aware of it.

Let’s look at a typical example of the annual cycle of a person with the belief that they are unlovable. (This cycle could actually be happening multiple times throughout the year).

You can clearly see that the person is NOT addressing the root cause of their problems. They generally focus on cutting out the coping strategies, and wonder why they have no willpower to stay off them. This just compounds the problem, because now they feel guilty or like a failure, and it confirms their belief – How could anyone love me…

If you are reading this and thinking – that’s me. Don’t be so hard on yourself! If you don’t know what the root cause is, then you can’t help falling into the trap. You certainly aren’t alone either, most people have limiting beliefs or some kind of emotional baggage – it's what makes us human.

Thankfully there is a way of breaking free from this cycle – seek professional help. Why can’t I just sort this out on my own, you may be thinking? Well there are two reasons – firstly you are in it, and unable to be objective. Secondly the problem is unconscious. This means that no matter how positive or logical you try to be about solving it, your triggers will fire and you will most likely sabotage yourself when you are under stress (we are running those unconscious programs most of the time remember). The good news is that with modern day approaches like hypnotherapy , you can sort these issues out in just a few sessions, and you won’t even need to talk in detail about your childhood. But make sure you find the right practitioner. Someone that you can trust (a recommendation from a friend is always a good idea, and check their qualifications & testimonials).

You really can let go of these beliefs and programs forever, but you have to be honest with yourself and make a firm decision that you have had enough. Invest in yourself and I promise you that you will never look back!

If you want more advice on achieving your goals this year, then get in touch!

The magic of Christmas

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Mon, 13 Dec 2021 12:05:11 GMT

Christmas!

What does it mean to you?

This can be the most stressful time of year for so many of us.

We can try to fit all the extra little jobs into our already stuffed lives, Getting the house immaculate, precision tinsel positioning, essential ribbon flourishing. Getting everything “perfect”, to create the most “magical” day.

We can overspend on trinkets and gifts, worrying whether this is the right expression of love, that it shows we are thoughtful and generous, the flawless friend. Knowing deep down that the present will be shoved to the back of a cupboard somewhere, and January’s overdraft will be a deep reflective crevasse.

We can go crazy on rich foods, truffle chocolates, luxury mince pies, bowls of nibbles and dips. A deserved treat right? And surely a little glass of something is only to be expected, well, it is Christmas! A high hit of dopamine to counteract the pressure we are putting on ourselves.

Don’t get me wrong, I do all of these things. I love Christmas. I feel it just can be very easy to lose sight of the point of it all as we apply the extra stress and pressure on ourselves.

Creating perfection is an unachievable feat, and therefore leaves all of us feeling like we should be doing more! That everyone else is doing it better! That we are not quite good enough!

These thoughts and feelings flood us with stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, and leave us feeling anxious and depressed. These emotions are completely normal reactions to feeling the pressure of being “perfect”.

Luckily, we all have the ability to choose our thoughts.

If you find your mind invaded with these negative thoughts, look instead for something to be grateful for.

If we change the focus on feeling GRATITUDE we don’t need the extra little things to give us that happiness feeling. Concentrate on all that we do have, the love of our friends and family, the warmth of our homes, the twinkly lights and the crisp smell of winter. When we think about what we are grateful for, we are sending serotonin through our brain’s neurons. This powerful neurotransmitter is responsible for our feelings of calm, peace and happiness. When we saturate our minds with serotonin, we turn off the stress hormones that can swamp us so easily.

Perfection is an unrealistic state. Be kind to yourself, you are more than enough.

Have a very happy Christmas

��

Be Unstoppable!

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Thu, 18 Nov 2021 10:56:05 GMT

What would your life be like if you woke up everyday feeling unstoppable?

Would you take bigger risks and reap bigger rewards?

Would you finally give up those destructive behaviors that lead to regret and shame?

Would you be more outgoing and FINALLY have the confidence to talk to anyone?

Would you stand up and take action rather than letting another opportunity float on by?

Would you finally stick to your fitness routine and see your best self in the mirror?

Wherever you are in life, I know you’re eager to live life on your own terms.

Unfortunately, there is often something holding you back from living your dream life.

YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND IS FEELING UNDER THREAT!

During our lives we develop negative thoughts, beliefs and ideas that influence our behaviour.

We create these as a safety mechanism.

We change our behaviours as a child to ensure we are not told off in school or by our parents.

We learn to stay snuggly in our comfort zones, become afraid of the unknown, and learn to play safe.

When life requires us to be challenged, try something new, step into the unknown, the subconscious will try everything to pull you back into the safe zone.

It knows you.

It will try ANYTHING to keep you from being “in danger”.

Negative restrictive thoughts, anxious belly, accelerated heart beat, exhaustion, lack of confidence. These are all sent by the subconscious, trying to keep you from doing anything different, trying anything new….Anything to keep you “safe”

Even if that means insomnia, smoking in poisonous fumes, overeating, being miserable and not being your best self....Anything to keep you “safe”

So what is the answer?

The Solution focused hypnotherapy combines psychotherapy and clinical hypnotherapy and encourages the mind to be forward thinking.

When we visualise how we want our lives to be, we can concentrate on all the baby steps we need to take to become the person we truly dream of being, creating change with ease.

I have helped lots of people just like you to feel like their best selves.

Try a free consultation today.

www.lovemymind.co.uk

��

Simple random acts of kindness

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Tue, 05 Oct 2021 10:35:13 GMT

How can you make someone happy today?

Such a lovely thing happened to me the other day, and I'm still glowing from it.

I was driving my van through my local village, my mind full of the day ahead, the jobs, the chores, wishing the traffic would hurry up and the rain would stop. Feeling slightly hassled, I stopped at a roundabout to let out a different van. Completely contrasting my frown, the driver’s face was all teeth and crinkly smiles, it was immediately contagious. It was like the sun had started to shine.

My face blooming, I continued up the hill.

Our two vans met again, and we ended up queuing next to each other at the next set of traffic lights.

He smiled again, opened his window, and indicated for me to do the same. Wondering what I was letting myself in for, (maybe the man was insane? Was my dress hanging out of the door, or my bumper hanging off?) I slowly opened the window...

He beamed at me, smiled even wider and cheerfully exclaimed that a pink haired lady driving a big black van had made his day! He declared that he wished me a happy life, full of flowers (my van has more than a few hanging from the mirror). He announced that we should grab every happy connection we can in our daily lives, blew me a kiss, and was on his way.

This simple random exchange made me feel special, interesting, unique and valid.

It was a wonderful example of how when we are full of positivity, we can share and spread love with ease, just by reaching out to the nearest person.

We all are guilty of living our lives in our own closed off bubbles. We forget to look, notice and comment. Learning to be open to our environment, see what's around us means that our world’s become bigger, fuller, greater.

Connecting, communicating and complimenting is so easy to do.

See someone and say something nice.

Everyone feels lovely.

Looking for opportunities to connect with others means that we always have a positive intention in the forefront of our minds. Serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin are encouraged to race through our brains making us feel wonderful and happy. Searching for ways to do simple acts of kindness creates a happy mindset, and the more we do it, the easier and more natural it becomes.

Give it a go!! What have you got to lose?

Fleur

xxx

��

What is Solution focused hypnotherapy? And how does it help?

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Wed, 08 Sep 2021 14:33:00 GMT

How the magic of hypnotherapy is life changing!

How can hypnotherapy help?

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Mon, 06 Sep 2021 14:13:49 GMT

What exactly is Solution Focused Hypnotherapy and how can it help?

Hypnotherapy is a talking therapy that allows the client to feel better, more positive and more in control, able to change unwanted behaviours and habits gently without having to relive any traumatic memories.

Hypnotherapy works really quickly to improve mental health, change stuck thoughts, beliefs and habits such as overeating, smoking, low self esteem, lack of confidence, anxiety and depression.

It is based on the latest neuroscience and offers a clear understanding of how the brain works and reacts to feelings of threat and stress. Combining this understanding with gentle trance and relaxation techniques, we can offer the conscious mind a moment’s peace, calm and quiet. In this naturally relaxed state we are able to soothe the subconscious mind and regain control over our negative thoughts and worries.

The Solution focused hypnotherapy combines psychotherapy and clinical hypnotherapy and encourages the mind to be forward thinking. When we visulise how we want our lives to be, we can concentrate on all the baby steps we need to take to become the person we truly dream of being, creating change with ease.

I have helped lots of people just like you to feel like themselves again.

Try a free consultation today.

Easy steps towards happiness

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Thu, 01 Jul 2021 14:38:13 GMT

Step by step guide to feeling more like yourself

Shower. Not a bath, a shower. Use water as hot or cold as you like. You don’t even need to wash. Just get in under the water and let it run over you for a while. Sit on the floor if you want.

Moisturise everything. Use whatever lotion you like. Unscented? Pound shop lotion? Fancy 48 hour lotion that makes you smell like a field of wildflowers? Use whatever you want, and use it all over your entire dermis.

Put on clean, comfortable clothes.

Put on your favourite underwear. Cute black lacy panties? Those ridiculous boxers you bought? Put them on.

Drink cold water. Use ice. If you want, add some mint or lemon for an extra boost.

Clean something. Doesn’t have to be anything big. Organise one drawer of a desk. Wash five dirty dishes. Do a load of laundry. Scrub the bathroom sink.

Blast music. Listen to something upbeat and dancey and loud, something that’s got lots of energy. Sing to it, dance to it, even if you suck at both.

Make food. Don’t just grab a granola bar to munch. Take the time and make food. Add something special to it, like a soft boiled egg or some veggies. Prepare food, it tastes way better, and you’ll feel like you accomplished something.

Make something. Write a short story or a poem, draw a picture, colour a picture, fold origami, crochet or knit, sculpt something out of clay, anything artistic. Even if you don’t think you’re good at it. Create.

Go outside. Take a walk. Sit in the grass. Look at the clouds. Smell flowers. Put your hands in the dirt and feel the soil against your skin.

Call someone. Call a loved one, a friend, a family member, call a chat service if you have no one else to call. Talk to a stranger on the street. Have a conversation and listen to someone’s voice. If you can’t bring yourself to call, text or email or whatever, just have some social interaction with another person. Even if you don’t say much, listen to them. It helps.

Cuddle your pets if you can cuddle them. Take pictures of them. Talk to them. Tell them how you feel, about your favourite movie, a new game coming out, anything.

May seem small or silly to some, but this list keeps people alive.

*** At your absolute best you won’t be good enough for the wrong people. But at your worst, you’ll still be worth it to the right ones. Remember that. Keep holding on.***

**** In case nobody has told you today you are worth your weight and then some in gold, so be kind to yourself and most of all keep pushing on!!!!****

Find something to be grateful for!

��

Create an anchor to help with anxiety and depression

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Wed, 23 Jun 2021 11:05:18 GMT

How to create an emotional anchor to help with anxiety and depression

Have you ever wished you could just bottle that amazing feeling? That moment when you felt so perfectly calm, happy at one with the world and completely in the moment. This is why we take photographs isn’t it? To capture the moment. We look at a picture, and it reminds us of all of the sensations we felt. The problem with photos is that they end up stored, just like the memory, dusty, put in an album, left in a folder, even the ones we frame we don’t always remember to look at.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we had another way, a way we could access at any time?

There is a magic tool we use in hypnotherapy to do exactly that, it is a NLP technique called anchoring. And it is super simple to learn.

First of all, you need to decide, what emotion would you like to capture? What resource would it be brilliant to have, literally at your fingertips? Imagine yourself in the happiness shop, looking through the bottles of calm, serenity, relaxation, bravery, contentment or confidence… You can choose anything you want.

When you have decided the feeling you want, you simply need to remember a time you last felt this way. Make it a really strong memory.

Now the lovely relaxation bit (can this get any better?).

Close your eyes, while lightly touching your finger and thumb together. This stimulus is known as your trigger.

Really think about your chosen memory, think about it from all of your 5 senses. What can you see? Hear? Any tastes? Smells? Textures? Really allow yourself to be in that memory.

As you access the feeling related with the memory, imagine turning up the brightness. Really feel that positive emotion flood through you.

As you do this, tightly press the finger and thumb together to capture the feeling. As it subsides, gently release the pressure and take a breath.

You are going to repeat this a few times, each time it will be easier to see more details in the memory, as you are now used to the process. Allow yourself to embrace the euphoria as you play with turning up the colour or the volume, enhancing this perfect memory.

To set this anchor, on your last capture, you simply need to take a deep breath in and out while holding your trigger tightly. This breath is giving your subconscious brain permission to save the emotional resource, ready, whenever you need it.

So now you literally have a moment of joy at your fingertips. Try it. The more you press this trigger, the stronger the connection between the feeling and the stimulus becomes.

Why not try creating another emotional resource anchor with the other hand? Or on your knee? You can decide to save many different anchors all over your body, trigger points you can subtly use in any situation you might need an extra boost.

��

Am I good enough?

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Thu, 27 May 2021 09:17:53 GMT

For those of us who need to know they are good enough.

Don’t you feel sometimes you just need a little reminder that you are doing alright? That all the effort is actually worth it? That you are a good person, valid and significant? Do you sometimes have an annoying voice that creeps in making you think that no matter what, you will never be good enough?

I hate that voice! I fight with that voice! So many of us have to battle this voice on a daily basis, and if this sounds familiar to you, then I want to say, you are doing FANTASTICALLY!!! Because if you are fighting the voice, this means you are doubting what it says, complete proof that you actually KNOW deep down that you ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

Sometimes this truth can feel very deep down, hidden under layers and layers of negative thoughts and lack of confidence. Sometimes it can feel impossible to battle the voice.

I know those negative thoughts are so real. They are not silly, or you’re not overreacting, those thoughts really do seem to take over don’t they?

Can I just ask you to think, what does “good enough” look like to you?

What would it take for you to stand in front of that mirror and be able to say “I am good enough”?

Is “good enough” based on other people’s expectations that you think they have? Do you presume that people expect you to be a certain way, and that is “good enough”? Or is “good enough” an actual goal you’ve given yourself?

If you’re thinking ‘I don’t know’ (what's this crazy lady going on about!) try and think about a time when you did something that was “good enough”? How did you know it was good? Remember what that feeling felt like, the facial expressions it gave you, the hope it left in your heart. What have you done recently where this was present? What does that tell you?

The thing about “good enough” is it is different for every one of us. What makes me good enough is different for you and it can change every single day and build over time. The only expectations that truly matter are the ones that matter to you!!! We can spend our whole lives trying to mould ourselves to be how we think people might want us to be, and this is so exhausting! Trying to second guess how we should act, dress, talk means that we are constantly TRYING rather than just BEING.

I’m not saying it’s easy to turn off these thoughts, but seeing them as what they are, thoughts not facts or realities can really help! When these thoughts come, take a breath, and try to think about something else for a moment. Maybe say “I’m not good enough at that, YET” and think about how you would like to improve in that area. Then think about all of the things that you do well, the things in your life you are proud of. With everything that you are managing right now, all that you are working through, and all those things that you have achieved.

Just the act of thinking these things is proof, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH!

��

CREATIVITY IS KEY!

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Tue, 25 May 2021 11:43:39 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

Creativity is super important to me. Being an art teacher, textile designer and embellisher in my previous life helped me to express myself. I do it through the way I dress too, always colourful and a little bit potty.

Even though I've changed direction, creativity is no less important - in fact, I think it's even more important because it makes me think differently.

Thinking creatively is what being solution focused is all about!

Finding ways to think and do things differently allows us to expand our perspectives. Seeing our problems from a different angle is the most creative thing we can do, and will always create the best solutions.��

How to help our children when they are struggling

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Wed, 07 Apr 2021 15:52:04 GMT

Here is a helpful little video to help us understand and help our children when they are having a tricky time emotionally.

I love children! I feel so blessed that I have had the chance to watch my son grow, support his needs and teach him resilience and independence. Our children teach us so many lessons and can show us how adaptable they are every day. They are so brilliant at living in the present, using their imaginations to brighten up their worlds. When a child is suffering from anxiety it is so impossibly hard to see. Showing them it's alright to be feel the complicated emotions they are feeling shows you support and love them. Explaining that the feelings are just a reaction to the stresses and strains of the world will help normalise their emotions.

How to help children deal with their emotions

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 13:34:00 GMT

I love children! Although it's been a while since my lad was this age (wasn't he gorgeous!), I feel so blessed that I have had the chance to watch him grow, support his needs and teach him resilience and independence. Our children teach us so many lessons and can show us how adaptable they are every day. They are so brilliant at living in the present, using their imaginations to brighten up their worlds. When a child is suffering from anxiety it is so impossibly hard to see. Showing them it's alright to be feel the complicated emotions they are feeling shows you support and love them. Explaining that the feelings are just a reaction to the stresses and strains of the world will help normalise their emotions.

It is possible to do ANYTHING!!

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 12:53:28 GMT

Small steps make big change

Lockdown, one year ago! How crazy is that? And we have all survived! I’m not saying it's not been really hard, I know even harder for some than for others, but we have survived! This just shows how wonderfully resilient and adaptable we are! If we had been told a year ago we would have had all our movements so drastically reduced, not allowed to see our friends and family, threat blowing in every breath of air we would not have thought it possible to cope.

This proves how it is possible to do ANYTHING!

We are inbuilt to resist change as it can feel a bit scary. When our brains sense something different is happening, it sends out an “error” signal, this signal looks a lot like the “fear” signal, kicking in our protective fight/flight/freeze responses. This is especially true when the change is big, but lockdown has been presented to us in small bite sized chunks, making us just about able to cope.

Here is the key to presenting any change in our life, break it down so the brain doesn’t respond by feeling overwhelmed by such a dramatic change. Easing our brains in gently by focusing on the little steps, not the end result makes all the difference to creating change in our lives.

We’ve got this!

How to be more self compassionate

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Thu, 25 Mar 2021 12:44:17 GMT

Self compassion is a building block of our wellbeing.

New Paragraph

The creative brain in action

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Fri, 12 Mar 2021 11:41:25 GMT

Trance and hypnotherapy can improve our creative thinking

New Paragraph

How hypnotherapy can improve your intellectual thinking.

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Fri, 12 Mar 2021 11:30:20 GMT

Discover how trance can make us all creative thinkers.

Ever wondered what happens in the brain when we are thinking creatively? When we are trying to solve a problem, we approach finding an answer using the ways which have been successful in the past. If a solution doesn’t appear straight away, we can get stuck in a thinking loop, working really hard to find the answer. This can feel really frustrating.

The brain doesn’t come up with its greatest ideas when under pressure. By going over and over the problem, it can feel anxious. When we feel anxious, this is a sign that we have moved into our protective part of the brain, the area that reacts if it senses danger. This part of our brain hasn’t evolved much since the days of living in caves and fending off tigers.When it feels we are under threat by anything, it will override the intellectual area of the brain, and get us ready to fight, flight or freeze. This isn’t very useful when we are trying to think creatively!

However, if our brains are allowed to daydream, they enter a default mode. If we were to look at the brain's activity during this default mode, we would see a huge amount of activity. When our mind’s drift gently, they are actually working really hard, processing all the information, pattern matching and coming up with solutions. This trance like state is nature’s way of allowing us to all be creative thinkers.

I’m sure you can relate to this as during the weekly shop, you suddenly worked out the crossword answer you were struggling with, or made a solid decision on what colour to paint the kitchen while cleaning your teeth.

By giving your brain time to daydream and doze, we are actually enabling ourselves to be brilliant problem solvers.

How change can bring anxiety

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Fri, 12 Mar 2021 11:26:22 GMT

Is the idea of coming out of lockdown filling you with worry?

I had a client today who talked about feeling very anxious about the easing of lockdown, and I feel that her anxieties are likely to be widespread as we all anticipate what the new world might be like.

Firstly it’s important to recognise what the feelings of anxiety can be like -

A pounding heart, sick sensation in the stomach, upset tummy, fatigue, tiredness, wired, inability to sleep, headache, hot and cold flushes. These can all be symptoms of anxiety. When we are overthinking scenarios of the future, worrying about how it might be, we are adding stress to our everyday lives. Anxiety is a sign that our body is feeling threatened, and is a natural response that we have had for thousands of years to help us cope with danger. The pounding heart, churning tummy and sweaty palms is your body preparing you to fight or run away. It is flooding you with adrenaline to aid your escape. This was a really helpful response throughout our evolution, but isn’t usually required in our modern environment, as our stresses are more emotional ones than predators chasing us.

We have now spent a year with a very limited amount of contact with people in real life. We are creatures of adaptation and for many people staying in will now feel very comfortable and stepping outside of what feels comfortable creates anxiety.

Even when we know logically we’ll be ok.

Change can feel a lot like fear to our brains. When the “normal” situation is being changed, the brain sends an error message, and this can trigger feelings of being in danger. Our brains don’t know the difference between imaginary and reality, so will act like it is being chased by tigers. We will react to this threat with anxiety, anger and depression so as to keep us safe, anxiety to help us to run, anger to help us to fight, and depression to help us to curl up and hide.

To start to feel better, it is good to realise that this is just a reaction. A natural reaction, much like a rash is to an allergy. It doesn’t mean this is how you will always be, just thinking these thoughts doesn’t make them real. The negative thoughts can be reasoned with. We can think about all the times it was wonderful, before we were in lockdown, choose to think of all the joys it will bring, being free to see people and go to places again. When it comes to negatively forecasting, remind yourself you can’t solve a problem that hasn’t happened. What is happening at this very moment? What is reality and what is just thoughts of the future? Keep coming back to now, bring yourself back to the present, use your breath to anchor you to the now..

Realise that it is fine to take small steps, realise you can ease yourself back in rather than jumping into everything you used to do all at once. The confidence you gain from small successes will help to build up resilience again.

Remember how much you have already achieved, you have survived the last big change, we have survived this lockdown. I doubt we would have thought we could have at the beginning, but we have.

That's exactly how adaptable and flexible we are!

Are your kids driving you crazy??

fleur@fleurtyfairy.com (Fleur Dash) — Fri, 05 Feb 2021 13:46:11 GMT

Coping with the lockdown homeschooling HELL!

Are your kids driving you CRAZY????

What a year! Bouncing between lockdowns and homeschooling HELL!

This lockdown has been particularly tough, February blues, hideous weather and the never ending dark evenings.

Do you find yourself snapping at your children? Feeling at the end of your tether? Overwhelmed by the simplest of things going wrong?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

You love and adore your family. Of course you do. But constantly having to pull them off of screens, make them do school work, fight off their protests and fits of rage is just getting TOO MUCH, let alone dealing with your normal commitments of work AND having to cook and clean!

No wonder we all feel we are going to EXPLODE.

It really helps to understand what is going on in the brain during these super stressful moments.

When we feel anxious, overwhelmed and snappy, it is a sure sign that we have moved from our reliable, sensible part of the brain, into the automatic, reactive primitive part of the brain. This part is ruled by the amygdala, and is often referred to as the flight, flight, freeze “chimp” part of the brain. When we operate from this part of the brain, we are feeling the need to defend ourselves from danger or a threat. We will always respond with anxiety (get ready to run), depression (hunker down and hide) or anger (increase strength to fight).

So rationally, we know that the children are not really a threat, (even when armed with nerf guns) but the situation, or rather the way we are seeing the situation, is making us feel that we are under attack. Focusing on all the things going wrong will stop us from seeing all the things that are going right.

Taking some time to reconnect with your family in a positive way enables us to see the world from a different light. Positive interaction increases our flow of the happy serotonin chemical, and pulls us away from our primitive brains, and back into thinking rationally.

Spending a moment thinking about what makes that person so special is another way to switch us back into our right minds. Positive thought is so powerful, thinking about something great makes the world seem a different place instantly.

Doing something positive is another way to get the magic juices flowing. I like to keep a gratitude journal so I can see all the positives in front of me. This simple act of writing down a few happy notes makes me focus on the best bits of my life.

Getting out of the vicious cycle of negative thinking is what solution focused hypnotherapy is all about. Book a FREE initial consultation to see how I can help you feel yourself again.

Choose Happiness

Mon, 25 Jan 2021 13:57:40 GMT

How can we choose happiness?

Happiness is a choice surely? We all have the ability to concentrate on what is going well in our lives and the beauty surrounding us?

This isn’t always clear to see.

When we are feeling sad, despairing and down, it can seem impossible to see the joy in anything. With Solution focused hypnotherapy, I can explain to you how the brain works, and how you can choose how you feel. Learning and understanding the way we create chemicals and why we feel the way we do, will empower us to change our thought patterns, create new ones and choose happiness!

The easy solution for successful weight loss

Mon, 25 Jan 2021 11:50:03 GMT

Why is dieting so hard?

Why is dieting so painful and tricky? And sometimes seems to do nothing? Can you starve yourself for days and see no results apart from feeling tired and awful, whereas others in the slimming groups seem to drop weight without even trying? Is it because we are doing it wrong? Or that we are broken in some way? Are you destined to be overweight forever?

No, I promise you're not!

It is easy to lose weight when you learn some simple tricks and understand the science behind the fat.

When we put on weight, we are generally creating visceral fat, which stores around organs. This is very dangerous to our bodies as it adds strain to our vital parts. The visceral fat is made up of cells that produce hormones such as estrogen, leptin and cortisol.

Estrogen is the hormone that women create for fertility, and it is the hormone we decrease when we approach the menopause, this is why often we find it hard to lose weight when we get to a certain age.
Leptins are the hormones that make us feel full. Unfortunately, if we have more fats cells, we produce more leptin, therefore need to eat more food to feel full- most unfair!!
Cortisol is the stress hormone! The more fat we have, the more stress hormones we have! Cortisol works as a high energy “protector” to get us through tricky moments in our lives, like moving house, getting through a deadline etc. It encourages us to feel hunger (especially for high carb/ fat/ sugary foods) so it can run at high energy to get through the mission. Cortisol is designed to help us through short bursts of stress and needs to burn calories fast, however if the stress is still ongoing, the cortisol will be confused, and instead of burning calories, will store them! We will feel exhausted, more stressed and won't lose any weight.

Stress is often described as being negative, but this is not exactly true. We all need a bit of stress in our lives to incentivise us to get out of bed, feed and clothe ourselves, go to work, look after our families etc. There are 2 types of stress; challenge stress and threat stress.

Challenge stress is the healthy useful kind, the gentle push towards our goals, the kind that makes us say “that's gonna be tricky, but I can do it”. This type of stress controls the amount of cortisol running through our bodies and allows us to feel in charge of our lives.
Threat stress is the kind we don’t want! When we feel life is getting on top of us, out of our comfort zone and that things are slipping out of our control we are producing loads of cortisol which encourages us to comfort eat. We will feel tired, negative and hungry.

We can control our stress by using positive mind techniques. Mindfulness, meditation, gratitude diaries can all help us to focus on the positive things in our lives. Concentrating on POSITIVE thoughts, POSITIVE actions and POSITIVE interactions create happy hormones and reduce fat building stress hormones.

Using solution focused hypnotherapy, I can help you to learn how to lose weight without trying! We can challenge inbuilt behaviours that have learnt to rely on food as a way to feel good, and understand that we have the ability to:

Choose the way we eat
Choose what we eat

And...

Look at why we eat, often we have formed unhelpful eating patterns due to previous emotional issues surrounding food.

True weight loss happens when we switch our bodies to burn calories, not to store them. This is why sometimes dieting doesn’t seem to work, and we can get dispondentant, disparaging and give up.

Being in charge of the stress you are under will aid all areas of your life, you will sleep better, feel great and be your true, best self, inside and out!

I am offering FREE initial consultations to explain more.

Why sleep on it?

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 14:18:52 GMT

Because it's good for us

When we sleep, we always enter a dream state known as REM (rapid eye movement) even if we don’t remember doing so. This special sleep is very important for us, as it processes our daily lives, moving emotional memories and taking control of them and moving them into our information store.

This is why it is a good idea “to sleep on it” before making big decisions in life.

The REM process is where we have the opportunity to empty our “stress buckets”, and creatively evaluate our decisions. Unfortunately, REM sleep is restricted to 20% or our sleep, and any more is exhausting for us. Neuroscientists have observed and researched the brainwaves during dream sleep are the same as when a person is put in a gentle relaxed trance state. While in this frame of mind, we can access the subconscious mind and reinforce positive thought. It also allows us to continue to clear the stress in our buckets and find solutions by thinking about our preferred realities and choosing our paths.

10 Truths to cling to when you're in an Anxiety Storm

Wed, 16 Dec 2020 14:15:22 GMT

Follow the rainbow

This will pass. It will. It will. It will. It will not stay this dark and confusing and terrible forever, I promise. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
Everything is not as bad as it seems right now. You're seeing absolutely everything through an anxiety storm today. When the anxiety lifts everything will seem a whole lot better. There is hope.
You're not the only one. You. Are. Not. The. Only. One. No matter what you're feeling right now (angry, sad, tense, terrified, hopeless, crazy). (Yes, all those things and more can be symptoms of anxiety). I promise you're not the only one. Take a breath.
You don't have to just "power through" and you don't need to do this on your own. Ask for help, talk to your doctor, see a counselor, call a friend (or maybe book some hypnotherapy!).
There is nothing wrong with you. You're normal.
It's not your fault. It's not because you don't exercise enough. It's not because you love sugar. It's not because you're not meditating enough, not strong enough. Sometimes anxiety just happens. Take a breath.
Kick shame away. Talking about how you feel isn’t a weakness, it is empowering.
You're not a "unique" "unfixable" or “broken”. We can all believe that we're the person who is really messed up. It’s not true. There is help for you.
Be gentle with yourself. You're in the middle of an anxiety storm. Remember to breathe, be kind to yourself, take baths, go for a walk, eat well, control your news intake, take some things off your to do list, listen to good music, say no to things that will be stressful, watch or read something funny. Remember to breathe.
Talk to people you trust, to someone who will hold your heart. Sometimes we just need to be heard. This will pass. It will, it will, it will.

How Can we Change our Negative Thought Patterns

Sat, 11 Jan 2020 13:52:47 GMT

The new season is a great reason to make and keep resolutions. Whether it’s eating right or cleaning out the garage, here are some tips for making and keeping resolutions.

Make a list

Lists are great ways to stay on track. Write down some big things you want to accomplish and some smaller things, too.

Check the list regularly

Don’t forget to check in and see how you’re doing. Just because you don’t achieve the big goals right away doesn’t mean you’re not making progress.

Reward yourself

When you succeed in achieving a goal, be it a big one or a small one, make sure to pat yourself on the back.

Think positively

Positive thinking is a major factor in success. So instead of mulling over things that didn’t go quite right, remind yourself of things that did.

What is Anxiety and how can we make it go away?

Wed, 11 Dec 2019 16:33:48 GMT

Managing and Conquering Anxiety

Anxiety is nature's way of protecting us from danger, and is an automatic response formed in our primitive part of the brain. We have evolved from being primitive humans who were constantly under attack from wild animals and other tribes man, and part of our brain still responds to the world as if we are still in constant danger.

This part of the brain doesn’t understand the difference from imaginary and reality, which is how we get a thrill from watching scary films. If this primitive part of the brain feels we are in danger or under threat, it will always respond with anxiety, anger or depression to protect us.

Anxiety is a way of us being super aware of the potential dangers around us, and keeping us ready to run at any moment. Anxiety can cause physical reactions such as increased heart beat, churning tummy, sweaty palms because we are producing chemicals which will enable us to move quickly. In extreme cases of anxiety, we can have issues with sleep, indigestion, IBS, headaches, panic attacks and heart pain.

Our primitive brain has to think in the worst case scenarios to protect us, but this will make us feel very negative and down. Every negative thought we have is stored in our stress bucket. These can overflow if we allow them to build up over time, keeping us feeling in a vicious circle of anxiety and depression.

We can use this knowledge to change our thought patterns and think about the positives in our lives instead. Doing this using a gentle trance state will create new neural pathways in our brains, easing us back into the problem solving part of our brain where we can regain control of our emotions and reactions.

Why do we get Depressed and How can we Feel Better?

Wed, 11 Dec 2019 16:20:19 GMT

Changing our patterns

Depression originates from the primitive part of our brain we know as the “fight, flight and freeze” part. This area hasn't evolved much since our days of living in caves and is there for our protection. When the cave man or woman looked out and saw snow, ice and danger they would crawl back inside, pull their rug over their head and go back to sleep until the crisis had passed. This is also how we can feel now when we feel under threat, like it is safer to hide away and go back to sleep.

Depression can make us feel sluggish, unmotivated, exhausted and is all encompassing. Our brains can encourage us to sleep more, often all day, but never feel rested creating a vicious circle. This is because the dream sleep we have is very mentally draining. REM sleep is when our conscious and subconscious come together to sort and process our thoughts. It is how we daily empty with our stress buckets and stay on top of things. Unfortunately, too much of it will leave us feeling worse and in a deep hole of despair. When we feel under threat in our lives, we are encouraged to think negatively. This is a way of protecting ourselves against potential dangers. Seeing as our primitive brain doesn't know the difference between reality and imaginary, if we think and speak negatively, our brains think that is the actual reality, and will step in to help us using depression, anxiety and anger. Bless it! Thank you brain!

We can change our thought and sleep patterns using gentle trance and solution focused psychotherapy techniques to help us concentrate on how we want our lives to be, not how we don’t want them to be. Concentrating on the positive side of our lives allows a constant flow of happy hormones that we need to be able to cope with life. Getting away from the vicious circle created by the primitive brain allows the intellectual brain to take control and make little steps towards our chosen realities .